EFT: A Revolution in Couples Therapy
Over the last 20 to 30 years, a revolution has occurred in the field of couple’s therapy. What was previously a field without any research-based approach to couples therapy completely changed as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) was introduced by Sue Johnson and the research team in Canada. With the introduction of EFT, a well-defined therapeutic process was established for helping couples.
EFT Couples therapy has a beginning, middle and an end.
As a couple’s therapist, I am working to help my couples get through the entire EFT process so they no longer need me and will never need a couples therapist again. This is a surprise for many couples who have seen a couple’s therapist not trained in EFT. They come in with the perspective that ongoing maintenance is just going to be needed for their marriage to succeed. This is not only not necessary, but I believe it is an indication that the underlying form of therapy is not effective.
With EFT, you should expect to get to a place where you can recognize the repeated pattern that derails your communication and be able to join forces to stop it in its tracks. This is essential for all couples – the ability to stop what is a destructive and unsafe pattern.
Without gaining the ability to stop an escalated pattern or cycle, couples are left in a place where opening their hearts is unsafe. So, what do we do? We do what any sane person would do – we protect our hearts – we “play our cards close to the vest” by keeping our fears and hurts to ourselves.
How does this impact a romantic relationship?
It weakens the very core of the relational bond which is the ability to turn to our partner and be vulnerable, open and honest with what we are feeling and experience an emotionally comforting and soothing response from our partner. Couples who can do this have a backbone to their relationship that is as strong as steel – a backbone that will enable them to meet the inevitable adversities of life with strength and resiliency – a strength that comes from being tightly yoked together - handling the adversities of life as a team, which is much stronger than any individual can handle them alone.
Your bond becomes a refuge from the pain and stresses of the outside world. When your relationship serves as a source of comfort and soothing, you have a “safe haven” and a life-enhancing bond that can make the stresses of life seem less painful and more manageable.
The research is conclusive – for couples that go through the entire process of EFT, they maintain the gains made in therapy and in fact continue to improve after done with therapy. And what are the statistic on those gains? Ninety percent (90%) of couples who go through EFT significantly improve their relationship and 70-75% of couples no longer fit criteria for relationship distress following treatment (according to a metanalysis). Compare this to a 35% success rate for the next leading form of couple’s therapy.
If you and your partner are ready to turn the page and find your way back to the loving relationship you once had, consider an EFT approach. Contact Marler Counseling today to set your first appointment.
